19 May 2022

You Might Be Replaceable If…

warning: satire The intellectually challenged, clinically narcissistic, and intentionally oblivious are severely cautioned.

(With no apologies at all to Jeff Foxworthy, who didn't originate but certainly popularized a disturbingly parallel comedy-routine theme… pointed at many, but not all, of the same people.) You might be replaceable if:

  • You can't say "Real American" in any language 'cept 'murikan English.
  • You, or any first- or second-degree relative in your own generation, seriously considered joining the SAR or DAR but decided that some members were the wrong kind of people. (Especially if your name really is Karen or the word "Mayflower" is in your family legends.)
  • You had a starring role in a 1980s ZZTop music video… and weren't in the band. Especially if you weren't (yet) using the trust fund to attend A Certain Quasiselective University in the Bay Area at which you wouldn't learn that "education" is about "learning how to learn," not pontificating on dubious "facts" that aren't.
  • You think being told to go to the back of the bus is just because you're a known troublemaker or other undesireable.
  • Your first impression of Ben Davis was that he must be a righteous upstanding American, because he was a general, but it changed when you first saw a picture. The same for his son, too.
  • Mike Peters, 2022The first two digits in the year on the title to that family land you inherited are "18"… or less. Or it's in Oklahoma because you're already a replacement (Boomers and Sooners were both cheaters, as reflected in your state-university football team — and darned near everything else).
  • You think "free speech" and "free exercise of religion" are just great for people who look like you, attend the same (or at least a similar) church as you do, and agree with you. For others, not so much.

(Grandchild of four immigrants, two of whom were potential replacements, if not so much 500km to the west of where they settled…)