21 December 2018

A Solution for the Impending Shutdown

I think I have a solution for the impending shutdown of the federal government.

President Cheeto wants a border wall to keep people from shithole countries from bothering him with their annoying demands for asylum. But the economy may not be as robust as we'd like; financial markets haven't done too well this month. Therefore, some judicious cost-cutting seems in order; so does some creative engineering.

With just a little bit of thought — and a short trip to an internet map, fully recognizing its… limitations… on this subject — I think I've found a better solution. As a bonus, no environmental impact statement will be necessary (there's a statutory exception).

I propose a ten-meter-high walled circle centered on 38° 53' 52.6452" N and 77° 2' 11.6160" W, 318 meters in radius. We can throw in guard towers every fifty meters and still come in well under $5 billion, even if we make it a full Faraday cage (with a top and bottom) to cut off the Twitter feed.

Shutdown averted. Mission accomplished. Although I sort of cringe at possibly needing to quote Reagan: "Tear down this wall!" I suppose I could pretend I'm quoting Roger Waters…