22 November 2018

The 2018 Turkey Awards

An annual tradition for two decades! This is my list of ridiculous people from 2018 (so far). Pass me one of those rolls, please:

  • The Greasy Gravy Award for oily publicity that makes the main dish inedible goes to Hop-Hop Productions and its proprietor, who shall not be name-checked here (because that would, after all, feed the publicity beast)… even before going limp.
  • The Red-Tide Oyster Stuffing Award for carelessly poisoning an otherwise tasty dish goes to the American Bar Association for its institutional arrogance. Yeah, I thoroughly believe the ABA is "liberal" in the face of anti-science ethics opinions and support of the most racist, fraud-and-class-warfare-enabling segment of its membership. (Note on the latter: I participated in Heintz v. Jenkins on remand and dealt with "Van Ru", assholes; I know what I'm talking about, even if you refuse to see it, and I've seen the same bullshit spouted forth in the last two months by one of these miscreants.)
  • The Broken Wishbone Award for shattering dreams goes to Wayne LaPierre, although there's a good argument that the damned award should be retired in his name. Unless and until gun-rights advocates accept that there is a price for their position, there will be no discussion — only sniping that almost always shares the same defect as all NRA gun-safety courses (no coverage of target acquisition or downrange clearance).
  • The Golden Gristle Award for assertions far too difficult to digest (and usually stuck in one's teeth) goes to everyone trying to treat the state-sanctioned murder of a journalist inside an embassy as anything other than, well, state-sanctioned murder; this is just one example. n.b. I still remember some of the people who have been involved/blamed/scapegoated/etc. That does not increase my confidence level at all.
  • The Conspicuous Consumption Cranberry Relish Award for the most-outrageous example thereof goes to the entitled asshole who bought this for $90 million — which is approximately $90 million more than the current administration wants to spend on all arts funding. p.s. The artist will get exactly nothing.
  • The Crabapple Pie Award for marketing something sour as something sweet goes to Amazon's HQ2 extortion of localities. Guys: You didn't need to do this.
  • The Wilted Salad Award for the one part of the meal that's supposed to be "good for you," but is instead rather past its sell-by date, goes to Ivanka Trump and her "private" e-mail account. One wonders if Hilary Clinton is in her address book… ok, maybe not.
  • The Brussels Sprout Award for stinky, slimy, overcooked, gentrified little cabbages goes to Brexiteers, who almost uniformly hope to profit by having less scrutiny placed on their activities by people who didn't go to the same public (private) schools they did.
  • The Dried-Out Breastmeat Award for overcooking the books goes to Brian Kemp, Governor-Elect of Georgia, who obviously couldn't spell "conflict of interest" if spotted the first eleven letters.
  • The Rancid Drumstick Award for something that should be edible, but isn't, goes to Laura Ingraham… although the rejoinder by a teenager was much tastier.
  • New Menu Item This Year! The GMO Tofurkey Roast Award for a main-dish item that's supposed to be more wholesome, nutritious, and/or ethical than factory-farmed turkey, but merely hides something that's perhaps worse under that veneer of virtue, goes to #metoo excesses and blind spots. There are no winners here, and anyone using the problem as a platform for their own advantage is lower than pond scum.
  • Special Limited Time Offer! The Salmonella Carrot Medley (Artificial Color Added) Award for discrediting an office and a nation goes to this guy — hopefully, only through 2020. Although now that I think about it, he'll continue to do so long after he's left office under whatever circumstances that happens.