03 March 2018

A Computer With a Keyboard Is Not a Cell Phone

… and the bloody marketing "geniuses" at a certain computing monstrosity in Redmond should remember that one of the reasons that those of us who touch-type are Apple-averse is that we, well, touch-type, and use keyboards on computers for more than dust-bunny storage. If you want to add some new features for the kids who can't qwerty, fine; don't take away features that we rely upon.

Like menu bars accessible from the keyboard.

Like alphabetically-sorted contacts and chat/instant messaging contact lists.

Like accessing actual help facilities using your own imposed standard {F1}.

Like removing the "away" status and forcing everying to either "active" or "do not disturb."

And while you're at it, don't by default show more information to other users in the new version of the program than was shown by default in the older version of the program, especially when the new version is an essentially mandatory security upgrade (due in part to SPECTRE and MELTDOWN, but without the Bond girls to deal with SPECTRE — if I have to deal with a phony criminal conspiracy that isn't actually as scary as the real ones, at least grant me some airbrushed eye candy instead of bigger bloody emoticons).

I passed eighth-grade typing. Just because neither any executive at Apple nor anybody in your own marketing department did — or actually works with and edits words for a living, instead living by soundbites — does not mean it's a good idea to reduce accessibility under the Americans With Disabilities Act. For example, this program is now no longer usable at all by the visually impaired, precisely because it no longer has keyboard-accessible menu bars and predictable alphabetical lists of chat "partners." Indeed, one cannot even use it to place an outgoing voice call any longer without full and clear access to a touchscreen or trackball/mouse/trackpad. One wonders if anyone from legal even saw your plans… or, perhaps, whether you bloody geniuses listened if they did and raised any objections.