|RITCHIE||You enjoying the play?|
|BARTLET||I am. How about you?|
|RITCHIE||We just got here. We were at the Yankee game. We were, you know, hung up in traffic.|
|BARTLET||Yeah, I know. Listen, politics aside, and I don't want to make a big deal out of it, but you probably insulted the church, and you can head it off at the pass if you speak to the Cardinal tonight.|
|RITCHIE||Well, I didn't mean to insult anybody.|
|RITCHIE||And it's a baseball game. It's how ordinary Americans...|
No, I don't understand that. The center fielder for the Yankees is an accomplished classical guitarist. People who like baseball can't like books?
|RITCHIE||Are you taking this personally?|
Something horrible happened about an hour ago. C.J. Cregg was getting threats so we put an agent on her. He's a good guy. He was on my detail for a while, and he was in Rosslyn. He walked in the middle of an armed robbery, and was shot and killed after detaining one of the suspects.
|RITCHIE||Oh. Crime. Boy, I don't know.|
|BARTLET||We should have a great debate, Rob. We owe it to everyone. When I was running as a governor, I didn't know anything. I made them start Bartlet college in my dining room. Two hours every morning on foreign affairs and the military. You can do that.|
|RITCHIE||How many different ways you think you're gonna find to call me dumb?|
|BARTLET||I wasn't, Rob. But you've turned being unengaged into a Zen-like thing, and you shouldn't enjoy it so much is all, and if it appears at times as if I don't like you, that's the reason why.|
|RITCHIE||You're what my friends call a superior sumbitch. You're an academic elitist and a snob. You're, uh, Hollywood, you're weak, you're liberal, and you can't be trusted. And if it appears from time to time as if I don't like you, well, those are just a few of the many reasons why.|
|BARTLET||They're playing my song. [stands to return to the theatre]
In the future, if you're wondering, "Crime. Boy, I don't know" is when I decided to kick your ass.
And doesn't Ritchie's last line in this scene sound both an awful lot like what is spewing forth from the Heffalumps... and what passes for the thought process of a sixth-grade bully?