Pink Elephants (and Pigs) on Parade

I'm not at all pleased by anything I'm seeing in the Heffalump primaries. It says something quite unsatisfactory that the party is in the thrall of its Know-Nothings, its Klansmen, its Lower-Upper-Middles — its dwarves, now that Snow Reallyreallywhite has gone to sleep (hopefully for a few hundred years).

In particular:

• Ron Paul wants a return to the gold standard along with his crown. I say we should give him both — they're all he's ever wanted.
• Mitt Romney's idea of increased productivity in American business probably includes the AMC Pacer and Gremlin — just like his daddy. Of course, he could probably learn a bit more from his daddy's support of the civil rights movement, support of organized labor, and rearguard action against the Goldwater wing of the Heffalumps, too... although I doubt that he'll ever admit to being brainwashed over Vietnam Afghanistan and Iraq.
• EyeofNewt would like us to forget entirely about his baggage. I guess that means he'll fly Southwest from now on...
• Rick Santorum's particular bigotry merely reinforces the reasons that the Crusades were genocidal acts, if not genocide (because true "genocide" requires an intent to kill, not to kill or convert...). Besides, we've got plenty of frothy mixtures in DC as it is.
• Rick Perry is from Texas, which is disqualification enough (given the last few Texans who've been in or around that building at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue). And he's a creationist whose ROTC grades during his Texas A&M career (cumulative GPA: C+, at a time of rampant grade inflation at A&M) indicate that his instructors questioned his leadership capability. I suspect that he's continuing to run to keep his profile high for the vice-presidency or a cabinet post.
• John Huntsman, the semistealth candidate, seems to specialize even more in what he does not stand for than do his opponents. It's clear, though, that he and his opponents understand — and stand for — the one thing that Emmanuel Goldstein's incendiary little book identified as common to everyone in the Party:

  The object of power is power.